Hey,

You know those people in your life who really stretch you - the ones you can't please, no matter what you do?

I do. There's one I've known my whole life. I love her and I know she has a good heart, but I've witnessed how she treats people she doesn't like. Sadly, that's usually how she shows up with me. I walked on eggshells with her for a long time, always wondering what I did wrong, but that shifted a few years ago. Here's what happened:

She was blatantly rude to me one particular day, in front of other people who were just as uncomfortable as I was. When I asked her what was going on, she just stared at me blankly. There's no amount of inquiry that breaks through a stone wall and that triggered me more than the rudeness. I felt like I was 6 years old again. It wasn't ME that was triggered, it was a very young, very wounded part of me that felt small, ignored, tolerated, dismissed - unloved, unwanted, unimportant.

Gratefully, I've done my work and knew what I needed to do - and it wasn't trying to figure out why she didn't like me.

I took myself home, sat with my 6 year old self, held her, and just listened. She was sad, heartbroken and confused. And angry. She felt betrayed. I let her cry and scream and feel all of it. And I reminded her how lovable and smart and kind and honest and loved she is, and stayed with her until she felt whole again. My wise self knew this person's problem wasn't about me, and now my 6 year old self was starting to understand that, too.

That's why this work works where other work doesn't. We're not "coping" with emotions and triggers. We're not analyzing the problem. We're not just setting boundaries. WE are the adult in the room, turning toward the part of us that's re-living the pain, co-regulating, and telling her the Truth: She's good. She's loved. She's worthy. Because it was in those moments in our young lives that we made up something completely different about ourselves, and THAT's what needs un-doing.

The next time I saw her, I was able to show up the way I show up in the world - not small or less than, not eggshells, but the whole, powerful, kind, compassionate, intelligent woman I AM. My 6 year old was safe and my boundaries were intact. This person was struggling and needed compassion, not confrontation.

I walked in the door and was met with hugs and smiles and warmth - confirmation that it was never about me. There was nothing I needed to say or do "out there" - the work I needed to do was inside. When that's aligned, everything else aligns accordingly. THAT's how we integrate. That's how we heal.

And that's what we do together in the Return to Self™ - 60 days, all the way back to who you ARE. I walk with you step by step - you take it from there and LIVE it!

Here when you're ready.

→ Return to Self™: The 60-Day Soul Integration Breakthrough​

With love, Kate 💗

P.S. If you've already experienced this work, I'd love to hear how YOU'RE living it! Tell me a story - where has it shown up for you? 🙏

Kate A. Bares | Soul Integration Method™

Inside is the way out. ~Kate