6 years ago today, my life was permanently and perfectly changed. And it was the bravest and hardest thing I've ever done. One month before, I sat on the floor in front of my husband, having had enough of the silent chasm between us. Three weeks of walking on eggshells, waiting for another round of shut down/shut out mode to pass. I'd finally realized after almost a decade, that it happened in cycles, although I didn't know why yet. This time felt different - more harsh. Maybe it was the...
14 days ago • 3 min read
Reader, I want to tell you about Courtney: She came to me about a year ago and couldn't tell me what was wrong - only that she couldn't stand to be in her own skin. She was exhausted in that bone-deep way that sleep doesn't fix, and it was showing up everywhere - in her relationships, her work, her withdrawal from the people and things she loved. She knew something was very wrong, but she had no idea what or why. Here's what I find, almost without exception: the thing that's keeping someone...
23 days ago • 1 min read
Reader, I have to share what just landed in my inbox from Dee (with her permission): "Kate, Wow! I (she) feels heard! So completely that it seems unreal. I wrote down the exercises and will start immediately. You said something like 'you have to show up' - or that's what I wrote down - and my immediate thought was 'but who AM I?' That makes me so sad. I can feel where this has bound me and I can see that it will be work to unwrap the bindings. I am so ready. Thank you so much Kate! I will...
29 days ago • 1 min read
Reader, when someone comes to me with a problem they’re struggling with, the first thing I do isn’t to analyze it, but to ask them to drop down into how they feel about it - right now, in this moment. Just one or two words. Whatever's most true. Then I ask them to close their eyes, sit with that feeling, and ask it: how old are you? Whatever number comes first - before the brain has a chance to edit it - that's the one. Sometimes it's 5. Sometimes it's 3. Sometimes it's 8 or 12. That number...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi Friends! First - thank you for all the birthday blessings last month. It meant more than you know. And I love that so many of you took me up on my $37 Sacred Shift! That was the real blessing - what an honor to be on this journey with you. You know that feeling when someone says "just be yourself" and you think...but who IS that anymore? When you used to know exactly who you were, what you wanted, what felt right - and now there's just this constant questioning of everything? I can spot...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hey Reader, Yesterday, someone asked me what's different now, on the other side of everything I've been through. The first word that came to mind was peace. Just...peace. Not that life doesn't still offer up hard things, but they don't shake me like they did for a long time. I feel different in my body now - like I'm finally living in my own skin. I didn't realize how much I lived on high-alert - until I didn't. I've lived alone now for the last 6 years (first time in my life!) and I...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
"You're out of runway. Turn around." That's what I heard. I was in the middle of another panic attack - breathing through it, waiting for my nervous system to get the memo that the danger was over. Except the danger had been over for two years. That's how long I'd been out of the marriage - out of the chaos and manipulation and crazy making. Beyond the emotional trauma I worked so hard to heal. But there I was. 2am. Heart pounding. Completely stuck. And clueless why this was happening again....
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Have you ever hidden something so well you couldn't find it? Now consider how you've done that with yourself. I know. That lands a little sideways - but just sit with it for a second. Here's what I've learned in 30 years of doing this work: Most of us who've been through emotional trauma, betrayal, or a particular kind of crazy-making - don't actually lose ourselves. We hide ourselves. And we hide so well for so long, that we forget we're the ones that tucked us away. So we go looking. We do...
2 months ago • 1 min read
Hi Reader and hellooo March! I love the month and this time of year - always feels like renewal and rebirth to me - and it's my birthday month so there's that. 😉 This year I'm turning 65! What?? I've never been one who dreads birthdays and this one is no different. It IS landing a little differently though... Medicare kicked in this week. I'm now at "retirement age" (although not retiring, thank you very much). And I am apparently officially eligible for Silver Sneakers. I mean... Silver...
2 months ago • 1 min read